Main Exhibits

Have you ever been co-dependent or a co-dependee?

- and have you dealt with it now and how? Codependence (or codependency) is a popular psychology concept popularized by Twelve-Step program advocates. A "codependent" is loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for persons who depend on him or her. A "codependent" is one side of a relationship between mutually needy people. The dependent, or obviously needy party(s) may have emotional, physical, financial difficulties, or addictions they seemingly are unable to surmount. The "codependent" party exhibits behaviour which controls, makes excuses for, pities, and takes other actions to perpetuate the obviously needy party's condition, because of their desire to be needed and fear of doing anything that would change the relationship. thanks champagne, you were lucky to meet someone so knowledgeable and understanding on the subject to help you recover as well Hi LG thats really interesting as these sorts of relationships seem inconsolable unless both parties face up to their individual issues otherwise its a no win situation, someone will always want the control.

Public Comments

1. Yes. I lived with an Alcoholic for ten years and when he died i realised how much he had conditioned me and my behaviour was very damaging to my next relationship. Luckily my new boyfriend was a Professor of Psychology and instantly recognised the symptoms.I started going to CODA group and after 9 months there, plus self help books i was confident my behaviour had changed and i'm a much happier person for it. Thanks superbun - i do see him as the person that came along and saved me. We've been together two years now and i feel i'm extremely lucky.
2. I played both roles in my life, as many who struggle with addiction do. Sometimes I played the out of control guy and cursed those around me who were trying to control me. Other times I played the butt kissing co-dependant, trying to find jerky people and turn them into nice people. I think addiction and co-dependency are opposite sides of the same coin, both struggle with control issues and low self-esteem, with addiction being a little more anger/rebellion based and co-dependency deals a little more with not giving up on the idea that if they can change mean people into nice people then maybe they can change their parents into people who will love them the way they've always wanted. I used therapy and twelve steps to deal with this. Basically, I had lots of anger and self esteem issues to deal with, as well as a screwed up belief system that told me the only way to get my emotional needs met was through relationships like these.
3. Luckily NO...
4. been there - twice!!! 1st time, left, 2nd time threw them out. Hard to do but kept my own sanity